i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
