The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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