Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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