thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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