He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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