No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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