can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
