Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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