She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
