uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just cut my nipple shaving
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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