I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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