You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Still dying that you shit outside
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
