actually, I'm a sock model
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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