Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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