Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
please come you make the beer taste better
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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