She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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