oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
