Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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