Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
