While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize