do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
