Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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