curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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