I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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