Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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