turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
