I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
