He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
