It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
