I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
