I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
