I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.