This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine