i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
