Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.