dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.