i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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