Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.

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  (512): You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore. http://tfl.nu/p34m
  Replies (8) Good night (1276) Bad night (3249)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow

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  (682): aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/8wvu
  Replies (29) Good night (6327) Bad night (1167)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7490) Bad night (1082)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.

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  (417): My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys. http://tfl.nu/a4t1
  Replies (28) Good night (1207) Bad night (5812)
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  (716): View more from New York

  So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.

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  (716): So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building. http://tfl.nu/resy
  Replies (7) Good night (3754) Bad night (1528)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

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  (412): i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once. http://tfl.nu/brbs
  Replies (21) Good night (3218) Bad night (1039)
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  (760): View more from California

  Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?

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  (760): Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl? http://tfl.nu/fr90
  Replies (10) Good night (1375) Bad night (1369)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.

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  (708): Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life. http://tfl.nu/mhw6
  Replies (14) Good night (2557) Bad night (805)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?

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  (717): sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that? http://tfl.nu/vb27
  Replies (34) Good night (752) Bad night (2763)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.

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  (720): I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo. http://tfl.nu/cdzc
  Replies (17) Good night (1434) Bad night (640)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.

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  (917): i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle. http://tfl.nu/wmdi
  Replies (11) Good night (991) Bad night (396)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.

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  (334): I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now. http://tfl.nu/gi33
  Replies (2) Good night (394) Bad night (531)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"

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  (518): I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories" http://tfl.nu/in2x
  Replies (5) Good night (602) Bad night (340)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.

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  (415): I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids. http://tfl.nu/608j
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (279)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you

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  (814): I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you http://tfl.nu/g34j
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (240)

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