I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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