In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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