How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
