I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
