I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
