there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
