I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
