My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
