Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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