my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
