Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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