Soap is not a condiment
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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