i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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