They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
