i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
