can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
