I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
