I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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