She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
