Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
