Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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