I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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